Per aspera ad astra
by BlueHedgehog416
Summary: I traced my finger along the words carved into his hip. "Why?" I asked simply. Gabriel was silent for a moment, as if lost in memory. " I was captured, by a vicious alien race on an away mission. They... thought it funny for those words to be cut into my skin. They mean 'through hardship to the stars'. AU.If I get details wrong, I'm sorry. Limited exposure to S;T so far. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

p dir="ltr""There is nothing fucking wrong with me"/p  
p dir="ltr"The loud voice of the captain echoed through the med-bay. I poked my head round the corner. Lorca was sitting on a bed, anger written on his face as he glared at doctor Culber. br / " I'm sorry, captain, but I need to check. The crewmembers with you said that you were attacked by a strange creature on your way back" It certainly looked like it. His uniform jacket was torn and blood stained the shoulder/p  
p dir="ltr"Lorca let out a frustrated sigh. "As soon as this is over, I'm going back to the bridge" br / Culber frowned but wisely said nothing to contradict him. "I'm going to need you to take off your jacket. I need to see your shoulder"br / At that I decided to get back to my work, instead of creeping on my captain./p  
p dir="ltr"There was quiet for a minute before br / "Nurse Ganiford, can you be spared for a minute?". Culber sounded slightly shocked. I dashed through the doorway, glad to be away from my repetetive work. Lorca was still sitting on the bed, in a black sleeveless undershirt. Culber was looking worried. " I was wondering if you had ever seen something like this before?" He asked, pointing to the captains' shoulder./p  
p dir="ltr"It was covered in a multitude of red, weeping puncture marks, at least ten, clustered close together. Each was about three millimetres in diameter. br / "emShit"/em I said, then " sorry! It's just I know exactly what this is. It's not going to be good". I picked up my padd and brought up an image. It was of a raccoon - shaped animal, with a long, thin tail with a wide arrowhead on the end. A Quadatud, native to the planet Lorca had just been on. I zoomed in on the tail. The pad at the end was flat and covered in spikes. I handed the padd to Culber./p  
p dir="ltr""Is there any more information on this?" He asked. There was only the name, approximate size, and the way it killed it's victims - by slapping them with it's tail. The spikes secreted some kind of poison which, after entering the bloodstream of another animal, paralyzed and then killed the unfortunate creature in minutes./p  
p dir="ltr""It's incredibly rare. Only a handful of people have seen one. Luckily it's poison cannot kill a human, especially one such as the captain" I said. br / "How did you know what the marks were from?" Culber asked. br / "I was hit by one, when I was thirteen. A group of men had captured it and were parading it around. It turns out that they can snap metal bars with a squeeze of it's tail. I was the one it went for. The weakest looking, probably. The symptoms are different in everybody, but mostly they will spend at least 4 days hallucinating. The poison takes about four hours to properly kick in - that's why the captain looks fine now" I said. br / Culber looked over at Lorca. He was glaring at us. "Are you going to tell me what's actually wrong? Or just whisper and look worried" he snapped. Culber / " So, do you think he really needs to be in med-bay? Would it be better for him to stay in his rooms with a doctor. I have other patients to treat, you know."/p  
p dir="ltr"I thought for a minute. " There's no treatment to give him. Absolutely nothing to alleviate the pain he's going to feel. He's just going to be very loud and disruptive to other patients in here during his hallucinations. I think being in his rooms would be better." I / Culber gave me an appraising look. "Alright then, you'll have to be the one to stay with him. Seeing as you've been through it yourself."/p  
p dir="ltr"Just as I was about to strongly object to being stuck with a hallucinating captain for at least five days, said captain decided he'd had enough. br / " Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me, or I'm going back to the bridge" he said, having walked up behind me and Culber. Suddenly he stumbled slightly, and grabbed the doctor for support. Culber half-smiled at me and said " go pack a bag. I'll fill him in. Go straight to his quarters once you're ready"/p  
p dir="ltr"After packing a bag with spare uniform, toiletries, and nightwear, I navigated my way to Lorcas' quarters. Doctor Culber greeted me at the doorway. "He's still insisting that he's, fine, despite not being able to walk properly anymore. Transport both of you to med-bay if anything goes wrong, ok? Good luck, Nurse Ganiford" He walked off down the corridor back to his patients./p  
p dir="ltr"I walked into the dimly lit room ahead of me. Lorca was sitting on the couch, once again glaring at me. " If you think I'm going to just sit here and be babied, then you are wrong. I don't need a doctor. I'll be working, whether you like it or not, because I am perfectly fi-". His speech was interrupted by his sudden dash for the bathroom. I hesitantly followed the sounds of throwing up to a small bathroom, where the oh-so-tough captain was miserably slumped by the toilet bowl. He straightened up when I came in, and looked as if he was just about to speak before he was violently sick again. When it finally abated, I handed him a cup of water and a cloth./p  
p dir="ltr"He tried to stand up, and nearly smacked his head on the bathroom cabinet as he fell over. I only just caught him. Well, you could say caught, but I didn't realize just how heavy the man was. I managed to get his arm round my shoulders and we stumbled to his bed. Through his uniform I could feel that he was burning up./p  
p dir="ltr""You're going to need to take your uniform off while you can still stand" I said. He half grimaced, half smirked. "Asking me to undress already, nurse? Bit soon, in my opinion. I don't even know your first name". His words were slightly slurred. I sighed. "You'll want to soon, sir. You're going to get very hot" br / "M'already hot" he smirked slightly, before ruining the effect by nearly falling over again. I finally managed to get him to sit down and take of his uniform jacket and boots. "Are you wearing something under these, captain?" I pointed to his trousers. " Trust me, you won't want to be wearing this much in a little while. Do you want to change into something else?" He nodded and I turned round./p  
p dir="ltr"After what sounded like him turning his wardrobe inside out, and smashing into various things a few times, I heard him flop onto the bed. He was wearing loose black boxers and a non-ripped undershirt. I forced myself not to stare at the outline of his chest, and went to get a jug of water and a glass. When I got back, he was breathing heavily and had gone quite pale. " Who're you?" He mumbled. "Kat?" br / "Um...no, I'm Nurse Ganiford, sir" I said, worriedly. He opened one eye. "Oh...yeah. And don't call me sir. S'not my name. Call me Gabriel" br / "Um...ok, sir" i replied. He opened the other eye and tried a glare. "Sorry, sir I mean...Gabriel". He made a sound between a sigh and a laugh. Then he fell asleep./p  
p dir="ltr"I knew it would only be a short while before he was muttering to people who weren't there and wondering where he was, so I decided to brush my teeth and change now. br / He stayed remarkably silent until nine-thirty, when he began to toss and turn in his bed. I walked over. The muscles in his arms were tensed, covered in a layer of sweat. He suddenly threw his duvet off and sat up, staring behind me. "Look out, kat! It's right there!" br / I whipped round. Nothing there but the lit dimly lit room. I wondered who 'Kat' was. A girlfriend? A sister? When I turned back, he was slumped on the pillow, panting. I decided to take off his shirt, a more difficult endeavour than imagined, in more ways than one. The damp material stuck to his skin, and his occasional jerks and twitches made me jump. I also had to not stare at his broad chest. emHe's your captain, Ellie. You can't think about him like that. /em/p 


	2. Chapter 2

p dir="ltr"After calling me 'Kat' a few more times, and trying to escape from his rooms insisting I was a Klingon trying to steal his ship, Lorca fell asleep again. I tried to get comfortable on the sofa, but it was just slightly too hard. Eventually, I drifted off, after twisting and turning on the remarkably uncomfortable cushions./p  
p dir="ltr"I was woken by muttering, steadily getting louder. I rushed over to Lorca. He was glistening with sweat, the sheets under him damp. He was mumbling something indistinct. I leaned forward to try and hear what it was. Then his hands were at my throat, and I was pushed up against the wall./p  
p dir="ltr"My back slammed into the edge of the window, making me gasp in pain. Lorcas' eyes were mad, filed with anger and sadness. I helplessly kicked his shins and tried to pry his hands off my throat, but emmy god /emwas he strong./p  
p dir="ltr"I desperately dug my nails into his arms. It did nothing, of course. Just as I started to hear a sound like taps turned on full in my head, the pressure on my windpipe vanished./p  
p dir="ltr"I would've crumpled to the floor, but a pair of overly warm arms caught me. " I'm so, so sorry" I heard his voice as his face drifted into view. " I'm sorry, I'm sorry". I was gasping, slowly regaining my bodily functions. Lorca had his face buried in my hair, and he was whispering ' I'm sorry' over and over again./p  
p dir="ltr"He pulled away and looked at my neck. His thumbs grazed the area where I knew there would be red marks. "Quite alright" I managed. " I tried to kill my younger brother with a fork when I got stung. My older brother nearly knocked me out"./p  
p dir="ltr"But at the word 'kill' Lorcas' face went blank. I suddenly found myself dropped unceremoniously to the floor. He was standing, staring out of the window. I felt a chill creep over me at the words coming from his mouth, the hate in his voice. The hate for himself. "You tried to kill her, Gabriel." He was whispering, "Just like you killed your crew. Blew them up, didn't you, Gabriel, and now they're dead. You'll kill everyone you care about, you heartless monster. They're dead. That means gone forever, Gabriel. No one will ever care for you". The tone of his voice changed and he turned to face me. " I killed them, just like I tried to kill you. I'm sorry I killed them. Please, I'm sorry." The look of hopelessness on his face made a jolt of sadness run through me. " Help me, please, I'm sorry"/p  
p dir="ltr"Before I knew what I was doing, my arms were around his fever-hot form. br / "It's ok, Gabriel, it's going to be ok". We stayed like that for at least three minutes, and I began to feel rather self-conscious. Then I felt him shaking, and heard the sniffling sounds from above my head. This man, this tough, calloused captain, who moments ago had tried to strangle me, was crying. I tightened my arms around him./p  
p dir="ltr"He'd fallen asleep again almost as soon as if got him into bed. I felt shaken. Would he have really killed me? Hopefully I would never know. I wondered briefly about calling for Doctor Culber and noping the fuck out of here, but one look at the dark figure on the bed and I decided against it./p  
p dir="ltr"Somehow I fell back asleep, and was woken by a call on my padd. It was Doctor Culber. I answered and his tired face appeared on screen. "Is everything ok, nurse? How is our captain" br / "He's fine, well... Definitely hallucinating. Thought I was a Klingon. Keeps calling me Kat" I decided not to mention the strangling, self hate and crying episode./p  
p dir="ltr"Culber questioned me about the symptoms for a few minutes longer, then ended the call. A quiet voice shocked me out of my thoughts. "Would you mind getting me a drink?" said Lorca, sounding remarkably lucid. I poured him a glass of water and handed it over. "Thanks" he said. Then his eyes narrowed as he stared at my neck. " Did I do that?" He asked / "Um...no, no...I just...um...slept weirdly...". I nearly laughed at the weakness of my excuse. Slept weirdly? Really?br / Luckily he didn't seem bothered anymore. His eyes were fixed on a point above my / "Don't hurt her. Don't, please. Hurt me, torture me, kill me, but please don't hurt her"br / Once again, I spun round, expecting a madman right behind me. Nothing there. He must be hallucinating again./p  
p dir="ltr"Within minutes, he'd fallen asleep. Just as I was about to go and get something to eat, Lorca spoke again. br / " What's your name?" He whispered. br / " Um, Eleanor Ganiford, sir. Most people call me Ellie" br / "Lovely name. Don't call me sir. Not my name. S'gabriel" he said again./p  
p dir="ltr"I checked the time. It had been about 14 hours since Lorca had been stung, and I knew that at forty-eight hours, he would start to feel unbelievable pain. The poison would reach the nerves, and his whole body would feel like it was on fire. All I would be able to do would be comfort him. Painkillers would have no effect, and even sedation would leave him in a terrible haze of pain that he couldn't break out of./p  
p dir="ltr"That was still 34 hours away, and then I would still have at least two more days here. Of course, I could hand over to another doctor, but I felt a sense of responsibility. Also, all other nurses and doctors would be dealing with the fallout from the mission Lorca had been on. They had succeeded, but with many casualties./p  
p dir="ltr"I had several paper books, originally belonging to my grandmother, that I had brought with me to the discovery. I had packed them in the bag that I had brought to Lorcas' quarters, expecting hours of boredom./p  
p dir="ltr"I was 56 pages into my first book when I heard Lorca throwing up again. Except this time, it was all over himself. He was still in a world of dreams, however, once again muttering indecipherable sentences./p  
p dir="ltr"I would have to change the bedsheets, but that would be the easy part. The hard part was going to be cleaning him. All he was wearing was a pair of boxers, and I was not taking them off. I decided I would have to rinse him off in the shower somehow./p  
p dir="ltr"I managed to get his arm round my shoulders and staggered into the bathroom. The problem was, he couldn't stand by himself. I would have to hold him up, but I didn't want to soak my uniform./p  
p dir="ltr"I took another look at Lorca. He was nonsensical, and it seemed very unlikely he would become lucid again any time soon. And even if he did, he would forget, right? After a moment's more hesitation, I stripped down to my undershirt and pants/p  
p dir="ltr"As I rinsed the vomit off my captain, I thought just how weird this situation was. I should probably have called for a- preferably male- doctor to take over. I tries to keep my eyes fixed on his face, as the water was making his loose boxers cling to his legs and...other things. I reached up to turn off the water when he spoke, his voice lower than normal. br / "Well, this is sexy, isn't it" I jumped so badly I slipped on the wet floor and fell over. That is, until Lorca caught me, meaning my face was about level with his waist. I felt like my face was burning up as I scrambled upright and tried to explain myself. " I'm really sorry sir, it's just you..." I realised he was no longer listening. He was slumped against the wall, mumbling again./p  
p dir="ltr"I hoped with all my heart that he would not remember that./p 


End file.
